maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Someone signed my nipple.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
