And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
well most of my day revolves around power hour
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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