I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
