i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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