Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
