I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
