P.S. I can't hear my feet
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
