Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
