plz talk dirty to me
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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