I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
