so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
