It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
