if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
