Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
