if you like me you must not know who I am
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
