after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
