we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
