i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
