Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
