All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Drake has all the answers
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
