I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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