R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
