I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
