So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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