how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
