She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
