An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
