im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
