WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
