i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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