I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
