No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
