I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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