so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
