Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Randomize
