if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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