Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
