he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
