I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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