dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
