I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
someone get that fucking seahorse.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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