Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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