the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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