Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
