the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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