Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
