is your mom at the bar?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
