Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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