I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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