uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
