is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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